MIXED IDENTITIES

So this weekend we can post anything thats on our mind….well, im going to take this weekend up to write about this something about which im aching to write now for quite sometime….
I have a sister, not just a sister, i have a twin sister….she looks exactly like me….my face is copied and pasted on hers, we have the same type of hair with same length, we weigh exactly the same and to a large extent, we both even think the same…..there have been numerous instances which i can recollect in which i have found out that what was on my mind was exactly on her mind too and at the same exact time….we both often have the same responses to every question that comes our way….
There is nothing different in us…sometimes i think that my existence would be irrelevant without her….i have no identity of my own….no identity….except this blog….this blog of mine (even though it fades into insignificance as compared to other things) is the very first thing that i have which i can call my own….she does not have it….because of the ample no. of things that we have in common, it is sometimes difficult for me to look at this blog as something that ive created just for myself….you see, we both are so joined in together in everything that i simply cant imagine having something for myself that she dosnt have for herself….if you walk with someone, you can feel their presence by your side….i cant, because when i walk with her, her presence is in some way or the other my presence….in her case, ive given up on god because i dont think that even he has any concrete plans of seperating us….
Ofcourse, not all twins are like us…they lead an independent life but in all honesty, thats not the case with us….from as long as i can remember, our parents have instilled in us this notion that in this world, no one is anybody’s friend…only you both are with each other and will always be with each other…if one of you gets into a problem, you can certainly trust your sister, not even your closest relatives will come to your aid other than your sister….in time, we will die, but your sister will always be there for you….they bonded both of us in a bond so deep that it is very difficult to come out of it…..
I guess god gave me my sister for a reason…..you see, throughout my 21 years of existence, ive not been able to make any friend in the real sense of the word….but in her ive got someone to whom i can turn upto…this does not mean that she fulfills the gap in my life that only a friend can fufill….far from that….she is not my friend….she is, for me, there to provide me support when i need it, to help me through any problems that i face ….i dont know, ive never really regarded her as my friend…sometimes, i wonder that if she, god forbid, would one day leave me, there would be created a hole so big in my life that it would be impossible to fill it….atleast in this life….
Some years back, i was so fed up with her constant presence in my life that i used to wonder what would it be like if i was born without her….all the girls that i saw did not have a twin…..they were original, not a copy-paste material like me….it used to make me wonder whether and it still does make me wonder how would it feel to be one of your own kind….to have your own seperate identity, people speak both of our names one after the other as if its a single name….not realizing, that in the process they are unknowingly mixing two different personalities (even if that different is just a small one) and two different individuals together….
I often wish to travel the world alone….stay at different places by myself….where nobody knows of my sister….they know me just by my name….only my name…..nothing else…and ill finally live with my own identity….