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THIS NEGATIVITY….

Have you ever felt so much negativity and tension in your head that it seems to explode?….
When i was a little girl of thirteen, everything was smooth…then, when i turned fourteen, i became confused…confused in every damn aspect of my life…i didnt do well in studies, i had these thoughts roaming in my mind always which made me all the more confused,i consumed sleeping pills, wrote fake suicide notes and wrote a journal abusing my family and friends…looking back at it i now,i realize that my school was the biggest source of all of the negativity in my life…i hated going to school with a passion, i hated the atmosphere there, the teachers there and the children there…i still remember, after coming home from school, i used to swallow tablets after tablets of crocin in order to heal my head which seemed to explode…my mom used to tell me that youve got a whole world of negativity inside your head, thats why your always complaining of a headache…but my home?..my home used to feel like a prison to me…i felt like i was suffocating everywhere….in school, as well in my home….
Fast forward to the present time, im glad that that phase of my life is over now, but i still struggle with negativity, negative and bad thoughts, thoughts that let me down…infact the reason why i wrote this post is because today my head is exploding mainly because ive not slept well in a few days, but i still cant deny the negativism letting me down today…i dont know why, but i have this habit of comparing myself with others and feeling bad about myself…i then feel ugly…ugly from the outside as well as inside  …i hate this habit but hard as i try, i still cant let it go…
Im just one of those who gets attracted to negativity more than positivity which i really need in my life right now….
Just felt like writing this all  down today….

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6 thoughts on “THIS NEGATIVITY….

  1. Bravo!for letting it all out.
    I am sorry to read that you have had bad past and bad experiences and it is not late to change things for good.
    You have just stopped believing in yourself and the power you have over yourself.You probably think too much,I used to think too much and my life was pretty much messed up too,but it had to be dealt with.
    I am just no one on internet who’s no expert at this or either at life,but would simply tell you to be strong while you face this storm.
    I wrote a little post relating to this too earlier this month,you can check it out and I hope it would help you feel better or even smile? 🙂

    Feel free to delete this comment if you think this doesn’t make any sense.

    • No! Why would i delete your comment?…thank you for saying all that you said…ill keep it in mind now…and yes, i know im thinking a lot, but its long been a habit of mine…though i really want to let it go.

      • Anything that’s good will not be easy to get or achieve.So you just need to work hard on this part,on stopping to think so much.It’s hard but not impossible and there are issues that can be pointed out by you,you need to solve them,solve your problems.Start sorting your life and define it to yourself,tell yourself how you want to live.Life is just too precious to waste and end it.

      • Yes, your right…life is too damn precious to waste….im definitely gonna sort everything out…afterall, living with such negativity is no living at all…thanks for the support…i really appreciate it! 🙂

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