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DAMN THESE THOUGHTS..

 this is something ive been struggling with for quite sometime now….i dont know why but i suffer from an intense inferiority complex:(…its like i compare every single girl to myself and then count my flaws….sometimes it gets so worse that i spend the whole day thinking that my hair are not as i want them to be, or im not beautiful enough etc.

the fact is i really really admire those people who have confidence in the way they look…i long for that confidence….i know beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder but i dont know why i just cant let go of these thoughts…. the principal thought that keep coming in my mind is that IM NOT BEAUTIFUL i soo often think that girls who are pretty are so damn lucky i wish i cud be one of them….god! i want to believe that beauty is not everything…its like im torn between these two sides of me, constatly struggling:(…i know it may seem like im a very self centered or self absorbed human being but thats not true either!….i just wanna let go of these thoughts and be happy with the way i look….it seems like i can never ever be at peace with myself or my thoughts

the other thing is my aloneness…..even though i have a twin whos like with me throughout the day but the fact still remains that I FEEL SO FUCKING DAMN ALONE SOMETIMES….ive always always had a problem with making friends…and its getting even worse!….to keep me company cuz i was so bored with myself i once ended up being registered in a chatting site where you make friends with strangers and i made friends with 2 guys….over time my friendship with them increased and soon one of them started demanding that i give my no to him and talk to him on phone rather than on this site….i was not ready for this and so i abruptly ended my contact with him….the other one fell in love with me and asked me if i cud meet him somewhere…i was not ready for this too so i ended my contact with him too….though i did bad to him i must admit that somewhere deep down inside me i too liked him…the day he proposed me i was so damn happy i kept re reading his messages on my phone….but i guess we were not meant to be…i still feel i did wrong to him….i wish there was a way i cud apologise to him….after these two kind of debacles i found out that this is not the medium for me to quench my thirst of not feeling alone….ive now signed out off every chatting site i was in….but im still alone….anyways….i hope everything will be alright someday…

this was a sad post…  i hope ill write something happy in my next 😉

on a side note i got my nose pierced yesterday…;)

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3 thoughts on “DAMN THESE THOUGHTS..

  1. This was not a sad thought. I am in this with u. Even I feel so many times. There this girl (junior to me) at my college, thank god I completed my graduation, the year she enrolled. But I keep looking at her FB profile and I am like, Ugh.. Why? She’s just oozes beauty n confidence (with those long hairs, sunglasses, n her dressing). Though, I got to know from many people that she’s beauty with no brains. HAHA.. but that’s not the part. What kills me every time is her face.

    So the whole point of telling you this is.. you are not alone. we all girls feel this once in a while. And look at you, you are so pretty. with your face, with your words. I bet you do have your unique style of saying things. You have a voice that matches none. You have a keen sense of dressing. Color management. (And if you feel your hair are not perfect as it is, get smoothening, or try different hairstyles for new looks.)

    And over the years, I have learnt, that looks only matter till the time, the brain of the other person is storing your face photographically in their memory to let you in their lives. But the real bonds see beyond this. They see how well your brain can coordinate with theirs to work as a team. 🙂

    • thank you so much! this is what i need to remind myself each and every day but i dont…and thats why i let these thoughts trouble me…and your right about the last part…looks only matter for a small time, real beauty definitely lies in something beyond that!…thank you for your words…will keep reminding them to myself whenever i feel like that again!

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